Introducing Better Mars Books

Better Mars Books

Better World Books is expanding!  We’re happy to announce the grand opening of our new website, BetterMarsBooks.com.

In our ongoing effort to promote literacy efforts, we’re looking ahead to new markets, and we believe that we can make a huge impact on the planet Mars.

Why Mars?
With efforts going so well here on Earth, why bother moving our business to the Red Planet?  Well, there are a few reasons…

  • All studies ever conducted on the subject show that Literacy rates on Mars are below that of Earth — fertile ground for our social mission.
  • There are currently no other booksellers that cater to the region, so we would be first to market.
  • Shipping to Mars is costly to say the least.  However, the carbon emissions from rocket fuel are a non-issue in the infinite void of space, dropping Carbon Offset costs to zero.
  • The Martian year is almost twice as long as an Earth year, which would give us that much more time to achieve our quarterly goals.
  • Mars has two moons, so that’s double the moonlight to read by.  Sadly, however, they are expected to crash into the planet’s surface within the next 50 million years, so you can see why we’re motivated to get started now while we have the opportunity.

What’s New?
A couple of facets of our unique business model will have to be adapted for interplanetary commerce.  Among these tweaks:

  • The Martian-language version of our website is still in progress. We’re still working out the nuances of the language (Idioms and telepathic inflection are particularly tough to translate), but it should be complete later this (Mars-) year.
  • Shipments from Earth to Mars will start at the low rate of $522,300 per book. However, given that the distance between Mars and Earth can be anywhere between 55 million km and 400 million km depending on orbit cycles, we recommend putting orders in as early as possible.  (Mars orders for Christmas 2014 should be placed immediately.)  Expediting a Mars order will be an additional 3 trillion galactic credits (About $1099 USD given current exchange rates).  Additionally, space piracy and scouting parties from the Blärgáxian Empire may also delay some orders.
  • Donation bins will only be located in terraformed regions of Mars.  Fortunately, our green bins will stand out against the barren, rust-colored rock-scape.  (Note: If you are used to Earth gravity, please donate your books slowly to keep from knocking over the bins.)

Please join us in welcoming our first interplanetary literacy partner, Read Planet.  After a thorough vetting process (just barely edging out other organizations such as Total Read-call and Mars Attacks Books), we are confident that they are fully devoted to promoting Martian literacy.

At Better Mars Books, we’re looking forward to flabbergasting the Martian public with our low prices, economic sustainability, and our commitment to literacy efforts from the inert slopes of Olympus Mons to the scenic canyons of the Valles Marineris.

And as always, thanks for your support as we supply our new market with better books… for a better Mars!

View the official press release.

2-April-2010 Addition: Screenshot of BetterWorldBooks.com on 1-April (click image to enlarge)

Better Mars Books Home Page Screenshot


54 Comments

  1. That’s a great interesting initiative!, Better World Books rocks!!

  2. Good heavens! I nearly snorted out my coffee all over my keyboard. You people never fail to crack me up:)

  3. Mmmm, April 1st, eh? Wouldn’t be an April Fools joke???

  4. April fools?

  5. Glad to know that when I move there next year, I’ll still be able to get books in my native tongue!

  6. First of all, congratulations!

    Second, I doubt most people will get as far as reading your email, clicking thru, reading this post, then writing a comment, but in this attention based economy, creating a april fool’s joke campaign is fine, but sending an email about it is a little too much.

    Moreover, in certain corners of the planet, there is no april fools. People will be puzzled reading thru the email/post trying to decipher where is the joke or where is the meat. They too will feel like their time was taken a little too lightly.

    Don’t worry, I still love you guys :)

  7. Natalie Segal says:

    Oh, nicely played, nicely played.

  8. What a clever April Fools spoof! I almost wish it was true.

  9. Meisan Aleean says:

    As a leader of one of the smaller Martian villages I just wanted to thank all of you, our Earthling friends, for your support. BetterMarsBooks is going to bring new hope to the next generation of little Martian readers! Pakravloek! (Cheers to your health!)

  10. Love the “Read Planet”. Very clever and most amusing. A great April Fool’s Day effort.

  11. Here (In Mars) there isn’t April fools anyway I really love your campaign and the way you are always promoting literacy in a relaxed way.
    I really love BetterWorldBooks!

  12. Maybe you’ll see Jeff Bezos in space…

  13. I’ll donate a set of ‘Dune’ books to my martian cousins…

  14. April Fool’s Day is my FAVORITE holiday of the year. Better World Books is my FAVORITE site for books and more. Love you guys!

  15. Genius! Thanks for the laugh.

  16. Excellent! This is great, especially the part about the “read planet.”

  17. Kathleen Holmes says:

    I think this is fun and I love companies that don’t take the world so seriously. Keep it up I will always buy from you!!!! Plus as a Buddhist it is good to know that you are concerned about all sentient beings :)

  18. Vicki Cutsforth says:

    Gotta Love Better World Books!

  19. I personally like the children turned alien photo at the top of the page.

  20. Amy Miller says:

    Hilarious April Fool’s Joke! The email was so funny, I had to come look at the website.

  21. lol! im possibly the only teenager that will ever see this page. thanks for the joke, at first i thought u were doing it as a tax thing of some kind…

  22. Pat Plonski says:

    I’m all for it

  23. The Watcher says:

    Typo at: “Shipments from Earth to Mars will be a the low rate”

  24. @24 Good eye, Watcher. Fixed it. Thanks.

  25. You guys are great! This one really cracked me up-great way to start a silly day!!

  26. Sally Craig Torchio says:

    BetterWorld Books rocks! Thanks for being so entertaining as well as environmentally and socially responsible. Keep it going with BetterMars Books – who knows? Next stop could be BetterNeptune Books!

  27. @ Luke S. (22) I’m 17…you’re not the only teenager who likes to read, ya know?lol
    Anyway. LOVED the joke…it took me a while to get it was April Fool’s, though! I’m a little slow on the uptake..but it’s really well done. Kudos, BWB! I heart you guys!!!

  28. You guys are sooooo clever. Your wittiness never fails to impress me. Happy April 1st to all of you.

  29. φㅱлギ⠣ says:

    冫ㄱ±⌠∴≓。♮〽йくい! *

    * U rock guys. Wait you here!

  30. Hahaha! Awesome guys! I think this is definitely funnier than the Gmail vowel loss joke! :)

  31. Well, must say I was puzzled… admiring your creativity… but forgetting what day this is! I love betterworldbooks! Thanks for the chuckle!

  32. Your pursuit of being well-RED shows no bounds !

  33. OH MY GOSH! I did not realize this was an April Fool’s joke. Guess the joke is on me! Love your site as always!

  34. I love the joke! If I thought it were a waste of my time to read, I wouldn’t have clicked through. \Eduardo\ has NO sense of humor. Maybe Better World Books should create another initiative to donate one to him?

  35. christine neff says:

    I love you guys!!!

  36. Thanks! I needed the laugh. You guys are great. The great thing about sending the books to Mars, you probably won’t be getting a lot of returns! If you get a book and it doesn’t work out, well, there will probably be a great black market for it!

  37. Rock on! Thanks for being a sense of humor on this planet. We need you!

  38. In space no one can hear you read!

  39. John C. Maxfield, author of MANSEND, Amazon.com says:

    John C. Great idea!I hope that soon we’ll be terraforming that planet. Nasa should get off its duff and start planning before the probes we’ve got there die of old age.

  40. That was a brill gag! I thought I’d gone barmy til I remembered the date lolol.

  41. Shouldn’t there be people up there first? I really started to read this seriously!

  42. You made my day, had such a good laugh, thank you guys! Love you

  43. you made my day, had such a good laugh, thank you guys, love you

  44. Brilliant!

  45. Great joke but being in Australia it came a day late! However you are still the best book company on the planet.

  46. It took me a bit because I forgot the date, what a laugh. Thanks, I needed it.

  47. Mork and the Boys says:

    Nanu-Nanu!
    Nudge nudge, grin grin, wink wink, say no more!
    Live Long and Prosper

  48. I collect books on Mars–fact and fiction. I thought you were having a special.

  49. Amazing Idea Guys!!!!.
    For a moment I really wished there would be a Mars literacy project and I could contribute by buying your books.
    Happy Fools DaY!

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