Hands-Free Books: Read Anywhere.

Hand-holding is so 2011.No doubt about it: the life of the 21st century working person is a busy one, and finding equilibrium between one’s career and life can be a real balancing act.  Even today’s young people are feeling the pressure of a tight schedule.  (Recent studies show that top Outlook calendar entries among 6-year-olds read, for example, “Grab some face-time with Billy” and “Conf. call @ monkeybars.”)

Thus we face the question: Living life at a pace like this, when can we find time to read?

The Better World Books R&D team, working out of our vast underground laboratories and testing facilities in northern Indiana and doing a mess of science down there, has finally come up with a viable answer: Hands-Free Books.

Extensive research showed that manual preoccupation was the major factor keeping readers from multi-tasking effectively.  And thanks to our innovative new Facefloat™* technology, you can keep your open book at eye level at any time.  With your hands free to do anything else, your book-reading experience can extend into many other activities, like:

  • Eating meals such as breakfast or brunch.
  • Operating heavy machinery.
  • Practicing your javelin throw.
  • Watching television.
  • Doing push-ups.
  • Painting.
  • Checking email.
  • Piloting a spacecraft.
  • Jogging on a treadmill or sidewalk.
  • Taming wild animals.  (Leopard Print or Circus Stripe models both available soon.)

 

Of course, there were some experiments that didn’t work out — such is the way of progress.  In determining the most efficient way to make this experience possible, we had to close down our quantum entanglement division (too tangly), and our cloning research team had to cease operations due to an unfavorable audit by the Cloning Regulations Board. (It’s fine; there’s more where they came from.)

And in the spirit of full disclosure, you may experience some glitches with the first series of Hands-Free Books.  Some users (up to but not exceeding all users) have reported a bug in which there is no functionality designed to turn the pages without the use of the customer’s hands, thus rendering the entire concept pointless from a certain point of view.  This is a known issue and we plan to have it hammered out with the release of Hands-Free Books version 2.0.

In the meantime, please enjoy your Hands-Free Books and know that you were one of the first — and, who knows?  Maybe last — owners of this industry-changing product. Find out more here and preorder yours today.

Hands-free books: Read anywhere.

*Not actually ™’d.  At least not by us.  In fact, it might even be ™’d by someone else.  Don’t tell them about this.

41 Comments

  1. April fools….I hope!

  2. I’ll have two please, one for my hands and one for my feet :)

  3. April Fools, anyone? :) ))

  4. Happy AFD to you!

  5. hilarious. I actually wish this really existed..

  6. Yep—great idea! I thought it might be an iPad app! ;-) ))

    (shame about the date ;-)

  7. Brydon Lidle says:

    Thanks, I was beginning to feel you folks were getting a little to serious. Now I can continue to recommend your site, for great buys, Good deeds, and a little bit of nuttiness.

  8. I’m going to be laughing about this for, at least, the rest of the day. This whole thing was way past funny.

  9. Pamela Mould says:

    Very funny and cleverly presented. I would expect nothing but this quality of humor from Better World Books as demonstrated by your fantastically humor-ridden thank you notes.

  10. Are you recording the number of pre-orders, I hope? Thanks for reminding me that today is April 1st!

  11. Sophie & Brenda says:

    My daugther and I were ready to buy 2 of them. Happy AFD!!

  12. Ann Carter says:

    This is really cruel. A link to this page was sent to my friend who has lost all movement in both hands and arms. Can’t even use a kindle.
    I suppose that’s funny too………….

  13. Ok, you got me ! hehehehe :-)

  14. And what about “Brain-free books”? Here in Latam, only with our govts and politicians we´ve a huge market…

  15. Jon Davis says:

    Please send two for my dogs. They have always found books difficult to handle, being stuck wirh four feet and no thumbs! This will greatly enrich their lives, allow them to spend their time far more profitably than chasing balls and napping in the sun.

  16. This is so great! Got me! I was thinking how great BWB was to compete with Apple. Shouldn’t read emails first thing in the morning. This was a WOOT stunt! :)

  17. Better than a birthday card! Thanks for the laughs.

  18. Maybe I’m dumb, but I was seriously looking for a real device – something like specs, for example, a bit like those heads-up instrument displays for jet fighter planes, perhaps.

  19. Linda Rowland says:

    This would greatly enhance on-task behavior for my middle school students; I’d like to order a class set. Maybe a few of them would even progress to the point of writing clever satire of this caliber.

  20. Great ‘gotcha’!
    Your underground department has triumphed…

  21. Tom Costello says:

    I’ve always used one of those Dylanesque harmonica holders for the book and retained a residue of my breakfast sticky bun on the tip of my tongue to turn pages. I’m relieved Of Human Bondage and can exclaim amidst the harried commuters, “Look Maughm, no hands!”

    Tom

  22. Mea culpa!

    Orthographic apostasy.

    “MaughAm.”

  23. You kindled my curiosity
    I had a nook in mind for it
    Because I’m an eReader…

  24. If only it was real–just without that pesky bug that makes it impossible for users to turn the page without the use of their hands! Ha! Happy AFD!

  25. Tom Masloski says:

    Synectics, a system of creative product design, focuses design and development on the least probable/possible alternative of ideas suggested during creative brainstorming. You certainly have that here! While I appreciate the April Fools humor, my guess is that some creative design type has just made this the focus of his efforts. At least, I hope so!!

  26. John "The Bear" Speelman, Winnipeg says:

    But, But, I WANT this!

  27. good jbg, you guys~!

  28. 27. EvI, DDQ – April 1, 2012
    For Shame, Sirrah, for offering such civilization-advancing technology on April Fool’s Day! Do you honestly believe that many of your prospective clients will not just dismiss this launch as merely an April Fool’s joke? You deserve, sirrah, deserve, to receive a greatly reduced number of orders, especially because your ordering apparatus comes up blank. I suppose this enterprise is just another example of that reputed “American: “capitalist cynicism”, promising the world and, yet, delivering nothing, nothing but fantasy. Shocked, sirrah, shocked, but not surprised. I weep for the state of the world when honorable people like you do not take more advantage of the gullible. Yours with the greatest respect, I remain, ever your Ermine von Ieggelfield, DDQ

  29. Pingback: Hands-Free Books: Read Anywhere. – Better World Books Blog … | Books Palace

  30. Nancy Reed in northern MN says:

    I am so sad…….the date today finally occurred to me. I was hoping that you were now moving into the audio book field – I have a new Kindle Fire and my eyesight is diminishing. I’m going to be buying lots of audio books in the future! Good one, tho, folks! :-) – Nancy

  31. Rola Priatel says:

    Even your jokes are so creative! Just like your company! Love your company and what you stand for,….

  32. had me going for a few lol

  33. Good joke, good job!! Cheers!!!!!!!!

  34. -Sassafrass says:

    Love it . . . I’m still giggling. HAFD2U2!

  35. Ok, so how does this compare with an audio book? I get that I don’t have to hold it, but I still have to read it, don’t I? Part of wanting something hands-free is that I don’t want to be eye-level either. Both get tired and then I can’t watch TV while I read.

    Let me know when you get something that’s hands-free and eye-free.

    Thanks, but no thanks

  36. Neil Salkind says:

    Superb…

  37. I knew you wouldn’t let us down on AFD! Thanks for a great belly laugh!

  38. You people are just too great! Why can’t more companies have a sense of humor? It’s one of the many reasons I love you!

  39. Since I opened your e-mail on April 3, i was very intrigued and clicked the link. And then it hit me: April Fool’s!

    Your sense of humor is another reason I always check your site first for the books I want!

  40. Pingback: English Muse

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