Duke and Me

Posted by Chip on 12.26.2008 at 9:22 am

I am an animal lover.

I especially love animals that do not live with me.  I have 6 roommates: 3 human roommates, 2 feline roommates, and a 100 pound pit bull roommate.  Each roommate comes with their own unique set of rules.

-Don’t leave towels on the bathroom floor or the cats will pee on them.
-Don’t talk during VH1 reality television programming or the female humans will be upset.
-Don’t talk during the football games or the male roommate will be upset.
-Don’t show fear or the pit bull may attack you.

What a bummer.  I have lost my basic freedom to fear.  Yesterday, I was watching The Shining and I had to turn it off out of fear that I would be attacked by my canine roommate.  He can sense fear and apparently he doesn’t like it.  Currently, Duke (the pit bull) is home for the holidays. In celebration, I watched a bunch of scary movies and felt comfortably terrified.  Living with an animal that has the ability to kill me makes life more exciting. Nothing brings more joy to my heart then seeing Duke’s tail wag.  With each wag I become more certain that I will live to see another day.

I think the rush of survival is addictive.  I am considering buying a motorcycle.  I imagine it would be a rush. A drive to work would turn into a death defying feat.  Every time I climbed off the bike I would celebrate life “I did it, I survived!”

2 Comments » | Tagged Flabbergasted

Flabbergasted: Compliments and Cards

Posted by Chip on 12.15.2008 at 10:33 am

At the Atlanta office of Better World Books, we decided to exchange anonymous compliments to each other on index cards. What better way to raise office morale then an index card telling you that you are super. As soon as I heard of this plan, I had flashbacks of Valentines Day in elementary school. I remember creating a valentine mailbox that best represented me out of a brown paper bag and watching it get filled with valentines.

Sure the teacher made us give everyone a valentine but it still felt good when that special someone in the class Read more…

2 Comments » | Tagged Flabbergasted

Flabbergasted: Thanksgiving

Posted by Chip on 12.02.2008 at 9:59 am

I generally don’t eat mashed potatoes.

Still, every Thanksgiving I load up on mashed potatoes so I can play with them.  I always find myself sculpting faces into my mashed potatoes as I decide which side dishes I wish to devote my precious stomach room to:

Stomach Room = 80% Turkey/gravy +20% sides

Fear comes in the form of becoming full on Thanksgiving.

This Thanksgiving, I made some new discoveries. Cranberry sauce acts as a great pallet refresher and drinking wine with Thanksgiving dinner instead of milk allows you to both eat more and sleep sounder.

After three plates full of food and sculpting beautiful portraits of Katie Holmes and Barack Obama into my mashed potatoes, I was ready for a nap.
Read more…

2 Comments » | Tagged Flabbergasted, american dessert, Flabbergasted, hilarious posts, playing with food, thanksgiving

Flabbergasted: Macaroni and Cheese with Bacon

Posted by Chip on 11.23.2008 at 1:16 pm

A popular pizza chain recently introduced pasta to their menu options. In order to illustrate the quality of the product they advertised that a fine dining restaurant served their pasta and the customers loved it. One of their popular new pasta options is: macaroni and cheese with bacon.

In the commercial the people could not believe they were eating pasta they could have delivered to their front door for a mere 12 bucks. They had no idea that their meal had been a ruse. I think that they should Read more…

Have your say » | Tagged Flabbergasted, Uncategorized, chip boyes, hilarious posts, mac and cheese

Flabbergasted: Coffee Shop Strangers

Posted by Chip on 11.20.2008 at 2:10 pm

Hello my name is Chip.  I am an account representative for Better World
Books.  I moved to  Alpharetta, GA to begin my journey with Better
World Books.   Yesterday, I went to a coffee shop for two reasons:

1) They had free wi-fi

2) I wanted to make some new friends.

My plan went sour when I was informed by the coffee house wi-fi server
that I was not allowed to go to my intended website.   Apparently, the
company is against online dating.  I like online dating.

Online dating saves money.  (That is if you use a free dating site)

I am a bit of a value fan.  Some people say I am cheap but I
am not cheap. I am efficient.  I’m not going to say what coffee shop I
was in but I’ll give you a hint.  It is everywhere.
Plan A to meet people didn’t work.

Plan B
I was forced to attempt Read more…

2 Comments » | Tagged Flabbergasted, Atlanta, carbon neutral, chip boyes, georgia, hilarious posts, online dating

Flabbergasted: Flu Season

Posted by Chip on 11.16.2008 at 7:24 pm

Welcome to the flu season Better World Bookers.  I know what some of you are thinking:  “I will not get the flu.  I am going to get a flu shot.”

Then on the way to get your flu shot you start to feel a tickle in the back of your throat and not a good tickle.  A tickle that makes you think, “Why should I spend 30 bucks for a painful shot when I may be sick already.”  Then you think of all the times you heard “flu shots make you sick.”

Is this true?  Was this ever true?  Or… are flu shots the best placebo ever created?  Perhaps a flu shot is just a shot of chicken noodle soup.  Why does chicken noodle soup make you feel better? Because Mama told you it would. Why would Mama lie?
Read more…

1 Comment » | Tagged Flabbergasted, audio book, chip boyes, choose your own adventure, flu season, placebo, the great gatsby

Flabbergasted: Better World Books

Posted by Chip on 10.13.2008 at 12:44 pm

I have come to the right place. I understand the value of a book. I don’t keep my books on a book shelf.  I give them to the next person I feel truly deserves the book.  The only thing better then a good book is finding the next person who truly deserves the book.

Who will fully appreciate the brilliance of this book?  It’s not until someone says that right thing at that right time that it strikes me. You would appreciate this book. You have proven yourself worthy.  You deserve my book.

When I hear a guy go on about a girl, song, and movie in one breath, I know he deserves to read High Fidelity.  When some Dude says “I feel like the only manly thing I do is open jars and replace the water cooler jug in the office,” I say you deserve to read Fight Club.

Some people appreciate geysers. Some people are fascinated by geysers. I spent a summer working in Yellowstone National Park and I saw Old Faithful.  Watching Old Faithful erupt is like watching water shoot out of the ground.  It just didn’t appreciate the science and the reliability of the matter.
Read more…

2 Comments » | Tagged Flabbergasted, Uncategorized, books, chip boyes, chip's corner, deserving, hilarious posts